I HEARD IT THROUGH THE GRAPEVINE…

Nothing grabs our attention more quickly than the words, ‘Have you heard the latest?’ ‘Wait till you hear this!’ What follows may be fact or fiction or a bit of each. A large firm supplying household products was once victimized by a rumour. Another rumour which spread wildly, was that a well-known chain of fast-food stores was putting adulterated sauce in its burgers! The story was investigated and disproved several times, yet the rumor persisted for a long time. All cases are not so tragic, but the grapevine has the power to cause governmental turmoil, family splits and the ruining of careers. It results in sleepless nights and causes much personal anguish.

Unfounded rumours and misinformation have also promoted gossip. Wild and scandalous stories tend to be fascinating, and are spread with little regard for the consequences. A steady stream of gossip flows through magazines, newspapers and television programmes. It is also the spice of many conversations. Rumors excite, disturb, cause anxiety and defame people. Rumours can spread with greater speed than any other method of communication. All it takes is a few key strokes to send a vicious rumour on its way to dozens of eager recipients. Sometimes, an entire website is set up just to humiliate someone. Online blogs are full of gossip that could never be said in person. Gossip is universal. People are interested in others, so it is natural that sooner or later, one’s conversation turns toward the latest goings on in the lives of friends and acquaintances. Soon, the idle talk strays beyond the limits of good taste. Facts are twisted, privacy is violated, confidences betrayed and reputations ruined. It is like mud thrown on a clean wall. It may not stick, but will leave a dirty mark. The desire to ‘fit in’ obligates people to talk. Gossip is a real attention getter when people tend to get far more excited about negative information than about positive. It can fill one’s life with more intrigue than a feature film.

 To know something that others don’t know makes one feel important. Very often that ‘something’ is quite an unflattering piece of information about someone else. Others seem to feel that spotlighting the flaws of others obscure their own defects. For some, it is a tool to promote their own popularity. Yet, many others are just bored, and have a desire to make their lives more interesting, hence they start a rumour. Loose talk can be used as a convenient means of venting anger, hurt and jealousy. It destroys relationships and hinders new friendships into developing. Those who listen to loose talk find the juicy ‘titbit’ too appealing to keep to themselves so they become part of a chain of rumours.

Stories change as they pass from one person to another. In the absence of the source or evidence, one can assume it is distorted or even false. Hence, before repeating some news, one can ask, “Is it true? Is it necessary to share this information? How would I feel if I were in that person’s position and someone divulged these facts about me? Would I say it on the person’s face?” Rather than being consumed with other peoples’ affairs, one can find better ways to use one’s time. It is said that great minds talk about ideas, average minds talk about things, and small minds talk about people! By steering the conversation towards a new direction or saying something complimentary about the one being discussed, makes one, a good conversationalist. Having a friendly disposition and excusing oneself is the best defense to avoid being part of any loose talk.

What if people move away from us since we refuse to share in their conversations? It’s a protection because no one is spared in a grapevine. Being talked about is just a part of life. No one can stop ‘big mouths’ since there are ‘big ears.’ There is neighbourhood gossip, family gossip, office gossip, shop gossip and party gossip. If one can afford to spend so much time talking about other people, then one’s own life must not be very interesting. By providing an eager ear, one enthuses the speaker to go on talking. By handling matters calmly and not over-reacting, one can rise above reckless talks and rumours. Is the matter really worth getting upset over? Will it most likely fade away after a while? Laughing it off perhaps would be the best way to extinguish rumours. It is wise to ask “am I a channel for rumours or a dead end?”

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BY THE AUTHOR ARE PERSONAL
REKHA KUMAR   The writer is a personal development skills facilitator. [email protected]m