Who Are You When You’re Not Someone’s Daughter, Wife, Mother or Employee?

We live in a society where a woman’s life is often defined through her relationships with others. She begins as someone’s daughter, then becomes someone’s wife, someone’s mother, and perhaps a dedicated employee in an organization. These roles are beautiful, meaningful, and often deeply fulfilling. Yet beneath these identities lies a more fundamental question: who is she when all these labels are temporarily set aside? If every role, responsibility, and expectation were hung on a hook for just a few moments, what would remain? That answer is her true self. The irony, however, is that many women today struggle to answer this question. They have become so consumed with meeting the needs of others that they have forgotten how to reconnect with themselves.

This reality did not emerge overnight. If we look at India’s traditional social fabric, our grandmothers and great-grandmothers often spent their entire lives centered around the happiness and well-being of their families. Most had no personal bank accounts, no independent passions they could openly pursue, and few opportunities to explore their own identities. Their success was measured by how well their children performed or how graciously they managed a household. The modern generation, by contrast, has gained access to education, careers, and financial independence. Yet has the situation truly changed?

The truth is that today’s women often carry a new and invisible burden the burden of becoming the “superwoman.” They are expected to excel at work, compete professionally, meet deadlines, and deliver flawless presentations. At the same time, they are expected to be ideal daughters-in-law, devoted wives, attentive mothers, and dependable caregivers. They find themselves running a race with no finish line. In the process, their own cup of tea often grows cold on the table, and along with it, their dreams, desires, and personal aspirations slowly begin to cool as well.

The renowned philosopher Simone de Beauvoir once wrote in her groundbreaking book The Second Sex that “one is not born, but rather becomes, a woman.” Her argument was that society shapes women into predefined roles and expectations. From childhood, girls are taught lessons of sacrifice, patience, and selflessness so consistently that they often forget how to prioritize themselves.

This idea resonates deeply within the Indian context as well. Celebrated author and philanthropist Sudha Murty has often observed that a woman’s life is frequently spent fulfilling other people’s agendas. First come the expectations of parents, then those of a husband, and later the demands of children. She emphasizes that self-care and personal time are not acts of selfishness or indulgence; they are necessities. Looking after oneself is as essential as breathing. After all, if your own bucket is empty, how can you possibly pour happiness into the lives of others?

The COVID-19 pandemic brought these hidden realities into sharper focus. During lockdowns, the boundaries between work and home disappeared, and for many women, working from home became a twenty-four-hour responsibility. Countless women found themselves typing on laptops with one hand while stirring vegetables with the other or supervising their child’s online classes in between meetings. This relentless multitasking left many emotionally and physically exhausted. Research and surveys conducted after the pandemic showed significant increases in burnout, stress, and depression among women. Even the brief moments of solitude once found during a daily commute vanished.

Perhaps this is why many young women today are beginning to step back and reassess the endless cycle of expectations. They are questioning whether life should be reduced to a machine-like existence where responsibilities consume every waking hour while personal identity slowly fades away.

This shift has both empowering and challenging consequences.

On the positive side, when a woman begins to separate her sense of self from the roles society assigns her, she often discovers a profound sense of freedom and inner peace. She realizes that her happiness does not need to depend entirely on her child’s grades, her husband’s mood, or society’s approval. She takes back the remote control of her own life.

The digital age has played a remarkable role in enabling this transformation. Social media and online platforms have opened new worlds of opportunity. Today, we see women in their forties, fifties, and beyond traveling solo, hosting podcasts, learning new skills, pursuing art, writing books, or launching small businesses. These women are no longer seeking validation solely through the eyes of others. Instead, they are rediscovering themselves on their own terms.

Yet this journey is not without obstacles.In Indian society, when a woman begins to prioritize herself, she is often labeled selfish, arrogant, or irresponsible. If she chooses to spend a Sunday morning quietly reading a book instead of cooking breakfast for the entire family, her decision may be met with raised eyebrows or silent disapproval. This social judgment creates an emotional conflict that many women struggle to navigate.

As a result, a growing number of young women are becoming cautious about marriage and family life. It is not necessarily because they reject relationships, but because they fear losing their individuality once those responsibilities arrive. Many worry that personal freedom, hard-earned over years of education and professional growth, could gradually disappear under the weight of expectations.

This concern is closely linked to another emotional burden that countless women carry every day: guilt. Studies suggest that a large percentage of working women experience constant guilt, feeling torn between professional and domestic responsibilities. When they are at work, they worry about home. When they are at home, they think about unfinished tasks at work. This persistent sense of inadequacy slowly erodes mental well-being and leaves many women emotionally drained.

Ultimately, this conversation is not about rejecting relationships, abandoning careers, or choosing one responsibility over another. Relationships and meaningful work enrich our lives. They provide purpose, security, companionship, and joy. But they cannot become the entirety of our existence. They are chapters in the book of life not the whole book itself.

Centuries ago, Indian sages taught that one of life’s greatest truths is self-knowledge. The same wisdom remains relevant for the modern woman today. There will come a time when children grow up and build lives of their own, when partners become occupied with their own pursuits, and when careers eventually come to an end. In those moments, the one companion who will remain with you is yourself.

That is why it is essential to reserve a little time each day for the woman hidden beneath all the responsibilities. Ask her what music she loves. Ask whether she still enjoys dancing in the rain. Ask what dreams she quietly set aside years ago. The day you begin to embrace and love yourself as a complete human being not merely as someone’s daughter, wife, mother, or employee you will discover that you can nurture every relationship in your life with greater authenticity, joy, and freedom. Because in the end, finding yourself is not an act of rebellion. It is an act of coming home.