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ISHQ WALA LOVE?

I remember when Tinder was introduced in our country. My generation was among the first ones to use smartphones along with all the other people.

It was 2016, and it created a big buzz among all the youngsters. People started developing their profiles, various pictures were taken to be uploaded, the anticipation of who swiped right whom was the new talk of the town.

After a little while, new apps were introduced. You might have heard about Bumble and OK Cupid. Bumble even made sure that it highlights individuals who are vaccinated and boosts their profiles.

Lately, Tinder has been teaming up with Netflix (reminds me of the famous slang, Netflix and chill!) to launch a dating reality show, IRL, In Real Love.

I am still not sure, if dating apps are the perfect way of finding your THE best match, which makes me question, is there something called the best match? Perhaps Amy Winehouse got it right when she sang ‘Love is a losing game’ and is the today’s generation ready to play this game?

City First got in touch with some prominent and not so prominent users of the dating apps and some experts sharing their views on the latest buzz.

We indeed are the social media generation and hence, online dating is now just as normalised as anything else. I however, am still quite old school in this aspect.

I don’t like the idea of dating experience being similar to shopping at Amazon or Myntra. there’s hardly any way of knowing the authenticity of the person over there, and if you do happen to meet, catfishing is something that’s very prevalent nowadays! We are all starved for the “human touch”, don’t we miss that in the dating experience as well?—Srishti Mohlah, Musician

Well online dating was never my style being a Millennial. It was one of the biggest myths for me till I actually tried it. It’s like being set up on a blind date of your choice.

It’s nice to know who you’re going out before you meet a guy. the key is to not really get bothered and just take what is good. I have been on many dates and trust me, it is really fun. The excitement of messaging and then meeting someone in person, thinking if they are not a catfish.  —ALina Kujur, Student

Online Dating is highly misinterpreted in India as people are actually skeptical about the fact that Dating and committing a relation to someone are two different concepts.

Dating apps are presumed as Hook up platforms by people. Dating apps are like that money - “Jo hota sabke paas hai, but deta koi nahi.” People feel shy or ashamed to use these Dating apps when people are around. But they thoroughly enjoy swiping left and right when they are alone.

I think, Online Dating is fun as it comes up to you as Blind dates. And you have loads of options to choose from. Dating apps are not platforms to get your one night stands, I’ve seen the beauty and intensity of dating people online as two of my friends actually got married through these misinterpreted online dating.

It requires a lot of presence of mind to talk to someone whom you’ve never met or heard of! Online dating is not less than an adventure where you can fall deep down. —Dewanshu Verma, Producer RED FM

I have met some amazing people on Tinder. Of course it’s not possible to click with every person you meet, but, there are a lot of things which you might actually learn from them.

I had the pleasure of learning something from my dates. I have hated goodbyes but life has been a bliss with their presence. Until I find the one that I love, I might actually give a go to online dating a little longer.

It’s a galaxy of people waiting to connect, share and just live in the moment. Sometimes we end up meeting some people and when we least expect, they become  a huge part of our lives.

I guess one shouldn’t skip the chance of meeting new people. I remember being on my first date, my mind kept on thinking constantly what should I do to make her like me, and, for real that N-E-V-E-R happens, when you are with them you are on your own and gradually you get comfortable which is the beauty of taking things offline. —Abhishek Saini, Doctor

According to science, being attracted to multiple partners is quite natural. The hike in dating apps such as Tinder, Bumble, etc is because it makes you available to multiple partners who are ready to spend time with each other.

It is so quick and casual that relationships are formed in mere minutes. People these days are so immensely occupied that they would prefer texting over actually spending time with each other.

That way, they can manage their work and also move ahead to meet their dates only in their leisure hours. This way, they ward off the sense of commitment and satisfy themselves with casual flings.

But, at the same time, it’s easy to manipulate others with an ideal image of the self. People choose to put the best versions of themselves online in order to garner maximum attention. This way, they seek validation from the world outside.     —Aastha Dwivedi, Therapist

Online dating has made it easier for introverts to come out and look for a good companion being themselves. However, I believe that online dating has altered the terrain of relationship formation.

They really don’t work in line with regular, healthy relationships. People on online dating applications are typically superficial, and they rarely look at anything other than looks.

There are a lot of elements that go into attraction in real life that can’t be represented through a picture. People who are rejected solely based on their appearance lose their self-confidence.

As soon as they sign up for a dating app, I’ve seen my peers hunt for unrealistically attractive photographs to put on their profile.  —AKSHARA DANGAYACH, Student

Being a psychiatrist, I would say, online dating has drastically changed the ways of traditional dating and meeting romantic partners.

I believe people who choose to stay single for a long time, and delay their marriage, are the ones who increase the number of dating apps users.

In my opinion dishonesty is a pervasive issue on these platforms. But exceptions are to be found everywhere, including my own, as I myself found my soulmate on one of these platforms.

My advice is to use these types of applications to make a real connection, then take it offline, go out for dinner, do something special, 
and remember not to rush into things, as Elvis Presley said, ‘“only fools rush in”. I met my love, my girl on tinder then took her out, after that, the rest of the relationship was offline and our bond grew gradually.

Moreover, dating apps have made it quick for people to jump from one relationship to another. —Udit Choudhary,  Psychiatrist

Online dating platforms help people to connect with one another. Especially for people who can be shy about first dates, developing a texting relationship first, helps them open up.

The downside however is that these platforms allow you to, or rather by design make you show only certain parts of yourself; you may also want to comply to certain trends.

That way, you’re in a way selling yourself- an embodied self. You pay careful attention to photos, how you write, how you text, presenting your profile etc- so in a way, spontaneity of dating can get lost. Having said that, it certainly not easy! It isn’t an easy way out at all. -a lot pressure of impressions, how you will be perceived -trust can also be a difficulty factor in online dating- where there might not be any common friends. (trust in terms of online safety- which is an increasing concern these days). —AYUSHI MADAN, Psychoanalytic Psychotherapist

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