I wish… if only…

A poet once wrote, “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these – ‘it might have been!’” The poet was referring to things that we regret, something we wish we could do over again and do differently.

Regret is mental sorrow, pain of mind at something done or perhaps left undone and it can mean ‘to weep again.’ Some people have made grievous mistakes in their lives. Others have not done anything so bad, but they wonder whether some of their choices were really the best. Some have been able to overcome the past and continue with their lives. Others are continually tormented with ‘if only’ about their past.

People hold on to regrets for various reasons. They believe that past choices should have been perfect. Many, due to guilt and shame, feel responsible for past errors. At times, it arises from feeling inadequate or unlovable and not being able to pursue personal desires due to upbringing or environment.

We can consider our past, for example, the last five years. Can you recall things that happened during these years? Did fear of others persuade you to make a wrong decision? Did you expect too much, and later suffer for it? Or, did improper actions result in hurting others? All of these, one knows, produce an unpleasant feeling of regret.

Living with regrets can be a heavy burden. Regrets can weigh on one’s mind and heart causing emotional pain, anxiety, self-doubt and strained relationships. Regrets can stem from unfulfilled expectations, missed opportunities, unfinished business, unresolved conflicts, unrealized dreams, past mistakes, lost loved ones, untapped potential and being nonforgiving.

What can we do? Many people worry. But it does not solve the problem. Worrying continually means to vex or hit oneself. It causes stress and often loss of sleep. We can imagine trying to move forward by rocking for hours in a rocking chair, expending all our energy but getting nowhere. Instead of worrying, some positive action on one’s part may produce good results. An apology to restore peaceful relations or one may simply have to live through some situations in life. But worry is a form of paralysis that can leave one unable to do any task properly.

It has been said that life can be understood by looking back but it must be lived by looking ahead. So, one must be concerned about the present and the future. Rather than fretting over the past, one must stretch forward to what lies ahead. We cannot literally forget our past, but by striving to put the past behind us, we can concentrate all our emotional energy on the present, avoid repeating our errors and focus on doing our best now.

Just as we look back, let us now look five years into the future. What will we regret then? What are we doing right now, or failing to do, that years later, we will wish we had done differently? By doing so, one can spare oneself from many experiences that would be nothing, but a cause for regret.

Regret often stems from missed opportunities. Holding onto anguish can lead to a life of “what if” and “could have.” It can prevent one from moving forward and embracing new experiences. By dwelling on what could have been, we miss out on what can still be. Stepping out of one’s comfort zone and working hard for one’s goal provides opportunities to grow and improve.

By making informed decisions, one can avoid much regret. Taking time to gather information, weighing all options, and also considering the potential consequences prevents misjudging matters. Being more aware of our values will assist us in making decisions that align with what’s truly important to us. It provides a clear sense of direction.

Much sorrow can be avoided by focusing on the good things in life and expressing gratitude for what one has. Family and friends help in giving new insights, but one must take responsibility for one’s actions rather than blaming others.

Leading a regret-free life can bring numerous benefits. It can calm one’s mind and boost confidence and self-worth. It brings in greater resilience as one learns to bounce back from challenges.

Regret-free life doesn’t mean avoiding mistakes. It’s about learning, growing and moving forward with greater self-awareness.

Regret is a natural part of life, and it is impossible to completely avoid it. By being mindful of one’s choices and taking proactive steps, one can minimize regrets and live a more fulfilling life.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BY THE AUTHOR ARE PERSONAL

Rekha Kumar, The writer is a work-life balance and leadership skills facilitator [email protected]