Why Does a Fight With Someone You Love Hurt So Much?

When a person argues with a stranger or someone they are not very close to, the impact may last only for a few moments. But when the same conflict happens with someone to whom they have entrusted their whole heart, it can leave behind a deep, aching emptiness. It is a kind of pain for which there is no immediate cure, and the entire day can feel wrapped in a strange heaviness and sadness. Psychology and neuroscience offer a simple explanation for why this happens. When we genuinely love someone, our brain releases a chemical called oxytocin, which helps create a sense of safety, trust and emotional bonding with that person. In such a relationship, we let down our emotional defences and place our vulnerabilities and fears openly in front of the other person. So when a harsh exchange or argument happens with that very person, the brain does not always process it as a simple difference of opinion. Instead, it can feel like a direct threat to our emotional sense of safety. Brain-imaging research has shown that emotional distress can activate areas such as the anterior cingulate cortex, which is also involved in processing physical pain. This is one reason why heartbreak or a painful argument with someone we love can sometimes feel like genuine physical pain in the chest.

If we look at Indian society and its distinctive family structure, this pain can become even more complicated and intense. Our culture is deeply rooted in collective relationships, where one person’s happiness or sadness is rarely considered theirs alone; it is connected to the entire family and network of relationships. Here, relationships are often more than just an agreement between two people they become a shared emotional investment. This is why, when cracks appear between two lovers or between a husband and wife in India, the fear is not limited to losing the relationship itself. There can also be a fear of losing family acceptance, social belonging and even a part of one’s identity. Today’s younger generation is experiencing a major emotional conflict on this front. On one hand, Indian youth are increasingly influenced by Western ideas of personal freedom, privacy and the desire to live life on their own terms. On the other hand, Indian values and strong family bonds remain deeply rooted in them. Because of this duality, when they have a disagreement with someone they love, many young people find themselves caught between “my space” and “our relationship.” As a result, anxiety, loneliness and the tendency to suddenly withdraw or walk away from relationships are becoming increasingly common among young people.

If we compare relationships in the previous century with those in today’s digital age, the entire way in which conflicts begin, continue and are resolved has changed. There was a time when arguments happened face to face, with people looking into each other’s eyes and speaking in their own voices. After the anger came a period of silence, when a cup of tea or a simple touch could dissolve much of the bitterness without a single word being spoken. Smartphones and social media have taken away much of that human connection. Today, arguments are often fought through long WhatsApp messages, blue ticks that leave someone on read, or carefully chosen Instagram stories used as silent weapons in a cold war. Written messages cannot fully carry the tone of someone’s voice or the softness in their eyes. As a result, people often interpret messages according to their own assumptions and end up giving them the worst possible meaning. At the same time, constantly seeing other people’s seemingly perfect lives and smiling photographs on social media can make young people view even an ordinary disagreement in their own relationship as a major failure. This can further increase feelings of sadness, insecurity and unhealthy comparison.

From the perspective of modern lifestyles and financial pressures, work and the constant race for money have also taken a toll on the warmth between loved ones. Long eight-to-ten-hour workdays, endless competition in the corporate world, exhausting traffic and the pressure of paying home EMIs can completely drain a person’s emotional capacity. When two people return home after a tiring day at work, their mental “buffer time” may already be exhausted. In such a situation, even one careless comment can act like a spark in a room full of dry grass. The fact that both partners are now financially independent can add another layer to the situation. While financial independence has given people confidence and the freedom to make their own choices, it can sometimes also make it harder to compromise. Thoughts such as “Why should I be the one to give in?” or “I have my own self-respect too” can become more important than the relationship itself. We sometimes forget that the goal is not to win an argument, but to hold on to the person we love.

The great German psychoanalyst and philosopher Erich Fromm expressed a beautiful idea in his classic book The Art of Loving. He argued that love is not merely a deep emotion but an art a conscious effort that needs to be learned and developed every day. We often fall in love with someone and immediately assume that everything will naturally work out and that the other person will automatically understand everything we leave unsaid. These unrealistic expectations often become one of the biggest sources of emotional pain. When we stop seeing the other person as an independent individual and instead try to fit them into a structure created by our expectations, even a small disappointment can make our entire world feel unstable. Yet there is also a positive side to this difficult truth: arguments between loved ones are not always destructive if they are handled with maturity.

When conflicts remain unresolved for a long time, they can have a harmful effect on the body. Constant stress can raise cortisol levels and contribute to problems such as disturbed sleep, high blood pressure, heart-related issues and digestive problems. Emotionally, a person can begin to feel as though they are trapped inside a closed room with no way out. But a disagreement that is honest, respectful and kept within healthy boundaries can also act as a useful “filter” for a relationship. Psychology suggests that a relationship with absolutely no disagreements is not necessarily a perfect relationship. Sometimes it may mean that one person has stopped expressing their needs, or that neither person cares enough about the relationship anymore. In that sense, an argument can also be evidence that both people still have expectations from the relationship, still care about each other and still want to be understood.

True maturity lies in deciding what we do with that bitterness once a conflict begins. Our elders often say that when there are four utensils in a kitchen, there will naturally be some noise—but wisdom lies in making sure that the utensils do not break. When we argue with someone we love, instead of becoming obsessed with proving ourselves right in that moment, sometimes the most healing thing we can do is remain silent for a while. Words spoken in the storm of anger can be like arrows; once released, they cannot be taken back. Pausing before reacting, allowing the mind to cool down and then expressing ourselves calmly can make a huge difference. Listening to the other person’s perspective without immediately judging or dismissing it can turn emotional pain into a deeper understanding of love.

Ultimately, the reason arguments with loved ones hurt the most is quite simple: the depth of the pain reflects the depth of the love and emotional investment involved. The deeper and more vulnerable our emotions are, the sharper the hurt can feel. If one day the harsh words of the person closest to you stop hurting altogether, it may be a sign that love has gradually been replaced by indifference. There is therefore no need to be frightened by this emotional pain or run away from it. Instead, we need to understand that it reminds us of our humanity and of the relationships that still matter deeply to us.

Relationships are not ready-made objects that we buy once and expect to remain perfect forever. They are more like delicate plants that need to be nurtured every day with understanding, forgiveness, patience and unconditional love. There will be disagreements, misunderstandings and difficult moments along the journey of life. But if, beneath all the arguments, there is still genuine respect, care and affection for each other, then every storm can leave the relationship stronger, deeper and more unbreakable than before.
[11:49 am, 25/8/2026] Yash: Wax, Razor or Laser: Is Removing Body Hair Actually Good for Your Skin?

Whenever we prepare for a wedding, a gym session, or a holiday, one question often comes to mind: what should we do about unwanted body hair? Smooth, hair-free skin has become a major beauty trend today. But have you ever wondered what waxing, shaving, or laser hair removal actually does to our skin? Is removing body hair really good for skin health, or are we simply harming our skin in the name of beauty and fashion?

This is a question that crosses the minds of many young Indians who regularly visit salons or reach for a razor at home. At first, hair removal may seem like an easy way to stay clean and well-groomed. But with repeated use of different methods, problems such as redness, ingrown hairs, irritation, and sensitivity can start appearing. Our skin is the body's largest organ, and body hair is a natural part of its protective system. Yet today, being hair-free has increasingly become associated with beauty and hygiene.

If we look back at our grandmothers' generation, there were no modern beauty treatments or the convenience of today's salons. There were no laser clinics, waxing strips, or sophisticated razors. Yet people still took great care of their skin. Without relying on modern chemicals or treatments, they used simple ingredients from their kitchens and gardens. Besan, turmeric, raw milk, malai, and sandalwood were often combined to make traditional ubtan. When this ubtan was applied and gently massaged onto the skin, it helped remove dead skin cells and could make fine body hair appear less noticeable over time. It worked as a form of natural exfoliation while also nourishing the skin.

The biggest difference between then and now is our approach to skincare. Earlier, the focus was on keeping the skin healthy, nourished, and naturally cared for rather than achieving an instantly hair-free appearance. Body hair was considered a normal part of the body, not a sign of poor hygiene or an imperfection. Over the past two decades, however, the beauty industry and social media have changed this perception dramatically.

Hair removal is no longer limited to women. With the rise of men's grooming and "manscaping," men have also become part of this trend. From young men who spend hours at the gym to working professionals, shaving chest, back, and arm hair has become increasingly common. Whether men or women, many young people today feel an unspoken social pressure to look completely hair-free. The personal grooming market in India is growing rapidly, and hair removal makes up a significant part of it. Psychologically, this trend has become so influential that many people now associate being hair-free directly with confidence, attractiveness, and hygiene.

There is also an important medical aspect to consider. Conditions such as PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Syndrome) can cause excessive facial and body hair in some women due to hormonal changes. This condition, known as hirsutism, can make hair removal much more than a beauty choice. For women dealing with unwanted facial or body hair, it can become closely linked to self-esteem and emotional well-being. Frequent threading or waxing, especially on sensitive skin, can sometimes lead to irritation, pigmentation, or small cuts, adding to the stress.

Dermatologists also point out that body hair has biological functions. It can help reduce friction, trap sweat, and provide some protection to the skin. However, the presence of body hair itself is not unhygienic. Good personal hygiene can be maintained whether or not someone chooses to remove their body hair.

Waxing is one of the most widely used methods because it removes hair from the root and can leave the skin smooth for around three to four weeks. However, the biggest drawbacks are the pain and the stress it can place on the skin. When hot wax is applied and pulled off quickly, it can sometimes remove or damage the very top layer of the skin along with the hair. This may lead to redness, irritation, or rashes, particularly in people with sensitive skin.

Shaving, on the other hand, is inexpensive, quick, and generally painless. For busy people, a razor is often the most convenient option. However, shaving only cuts the hair at the skin's surface, so the hair usually becomes visible again within a few days. Improper shaving can also cause razor burns, small cuts, irritation, and ingrown hairs. An ingrown hair occurs when the hair curls back into the skin instead of growing outward, sometimes resulting in a painful, pimple-like bump.

Another popular option is hair-removal cream, also known as a chemical depilatory. These products offer quick results without the pain of waxing. However, they contain chemicals that break down keratin, the protein that makes up hair. Ingredients such as thioglycolates can irritate the skin, particularly when the product is left on for too long or used on sensitive areas. Incorrect use may result in irritation, allergic reactions, or chemical burns, and in some cases can contribute to post-inflammatory pigmentation.

The most modern option is laser hair reduction, which has become increasingly popular in Indian cities. Laser technology targets melanin in the hair follicle and can significantly reduce hair growth over time. For people who are tired of repeated waxing or shaving, it can be a convenient long-term option. However, it is more expensive and usually requires multiple sessions. There can also be risks if the procedure is performed incorrectly. Burns, pigmentation changes, and other skin complications are possible, particularly when the wrong settings are used or the treatment is performed by an inadequately trained person. Laser hair reduction is therefore best done under the supervision of a qualified and experienced dermatologist or medical professional.

The impact of hair-removal culture on young people is not only physical but also psychological, financial, and environmental. Social media platforms such as Instagram and YouTube constantly expose users to images of flawless, hair-free bodies. This can create insecurity about natural body hair and make people feel that they need to remove it to look attractive or well-groomed.

Beauty and grooming companies often build on these insecurities by promoting trimmers, razors, waxing strips, creams, and laser treatments. Many young people end up spending a significant amount of their monthly income on grooming products and salon treatments. There is also an environmental cost. Disposable razors, used waxing strips, packaging, and chemical product containers contribute to household and plastic waste.

The important point is that removing body hair is not a medical necessity for healthy skin. It is primarily a personal choice related to appearance, comfort, culture, or individual preference. If proper hygiene is maintained, having body hair does not make a person unhealthy or unclean. In fact, repeated exposure to harsh chemicals, hot wax, or aggressive shaving can sometimes irritate the skin and weaken its natural protective barrier, leaving it dry, sensitive, or uncomfortable.

Ultimately, body-hair removal is neither completely beneficial nor completely harmful. Its impact largely depends on the method used, how frequently it is done, and how carefully the skin is treated.

If you wax, make sure you care for your skin afterwards and avoid unnecessarily harsh exfoliation. If you shave, use a clean razor and a suitable shaving gel or cream rather than shaving dry. If you choose laser hair reduction, make sure the treatment is performed by a qualified and experienced professional.

Most importantly, we should not allow unrealistic beauty standards created by society and social media to dictate how we treat our bodies. Healthy skin is not defined by how hair-free it is. What matters more is whether the skin is healthy, hydrated, comfortable, and protected.

Understanding your skin type and choosing a hair-removal method that suits your skin and your needs is far more important than simply following a beauty trend. After all, real skincare is not about removing everything that is natural; it is about taking care of what you have.