I FEEL WHAT YOU FEEL…

We all feel weak at times. Some days, one might have no energy or may find it difficult to do what one needs to do. But imagine feeling this way for a long time. How would we want others to view us? One would want them to understand and show empathy.

Empathy is the quality by which one is able to enter into the thoughts and feelings of others. It is the ability to put oneself in the other person’s place.

Empathy requires that one slows down and patiently considers and thinks about another person. This may seem difficult to achieve with an overload of social media posts and rapid-fire texting. If technology controls us, responding to messages seem like another chore on one’s to-do list. Even if there is a delay in replying to a message, a well thought out response can be heart-touching than no response.

Some struggle to show this skill because of their upbringing or adverse past circumstances. Stress and the prevailing attitude of people around can make a person indifferent. Also, what one feeds into the mind, can influence how one feels about others.

Appreciating others to keep doing their best strengthens them, especially when they feel low. Sometimes, a person may be blunt or critical of others in the family although one would not think of treating outsiders this way.

There is a difference between the way one feels when one discovers an error and corrects it, and the way one would feel when someone else brings a mistake to attention and asks one to correct it. Empathy will help us to appreciate that difference.

Giving suggestions and offering correction is an art. Knowing what to say, when, where and how to say, without causing any embarrassment, wins the trust of others. Having understanding is more important than just good intentions. A machine can run smoothly with power but if the gears and bearings are not adjusted with proper lubrication, it will soon halt. Similarly, good intentions along with empathy, brings out the best in others.

A person is more amenable and in a receptive frame of mind when something favourable is said about him or her. Errors over trifles and non-essential details, if overlooked, help in keeping a balanced perspective towards others.

Gentleness and an empathetic attitude make it easier to accept a different point of view. One will need to learn all facts about a situation and then patiently, put up with inconveniences caused by the shortcomings of others.

Empathy enables one to see the potential in others without making quick judgements. A negative attitude will be mutually harmful and would close the door of friendship. No one likes others to be blind to their good points, so trying to find something commendable in others that may not be as obvious, is far more pleasing to look at.

Empathy increases one’s respect for others. If someone makes a blunder or gives a foolish reply, thoughtfulness will prevent one from having a superior attitude or laugh out in ridicule. By striving to understand another person’s struggles, one is less likely to criticise. One can see beyond the differences and ask oneself, ‘how would I react if someone made me feel inferior or valueless? How would I feel if others judged me before they even got to know me? If I was in this situation, how would I feel? What would I need?

When we carefully observe and use imagination, we realize how similar we are to others in terms of feelings and reactions. This can prevent us from making negative judgements.

Some are sensitive about their age, weight, health or any physical defect, such as a birthmark. To call attention to any such tender spot, or make a joke of it, would be like treading on their toes, showing a lack of empathy.

One may needlessly offend others by one’s choice of words, which may be either too high toned and artificial or haughty and harsh.

The ones prone to offend others are usually most sensitive themselves, expecting others to be tactful. Such ones lack mental discernment and find the discomforts, handicaps or sufferings of others amusing.

Someone said, “Empathy is in our bones”. It moves caring people to help others. An empathetic person keeps a balance by appreciating the importance of sentiments yet at the same time shunning the extreme of becoming overly sensitive by avoiding giving or taking offence. As long as one can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain!

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BY THE AUTHOR ARE PERSONAL

REKHA KUMAR The writer is a personal development skills facilitator. http://[email protected]