EMPATHY- KEY TO GOOD RELATIONS

So long as you can sweeten another’s pain, life is not in vain, wrote a person who understood emotional pain. Helen Keller was completely blind and deaf. Yet, she felt for those who were in similar circumstances, and wanted to help them.

It is easy to ‘shut the door’ or overlook opportunities to relieve other people’s pain. That may be because we are not aware of their needs. Empathy is the key that can unlock the door to our kindness.

Empathy is the identification with, and understanding of another person’s situation, emotions and motives. It is the ability to put oneself in place of others. First of all, it requires that we comprehend the circumstances of another person. And second, that we share the emotions that such situations provoke in him or her. It involves feeling the other person’s pain in our heart.

Not all suffering is readily discernible. How difficult it is to comprehend the feelings of someone who is experiencing depression, or a concealed physical impediment, or even an eating disorder – if we have never had such problems ourselves!

One can sharpen one’s sensitivity to the needs of others in three ways. By listening, observing and imagining. When we listen carefully, we understand what problems others face. The better we listen, the more likely they are to open up and reveal their true feelings.

Not everyone will openly tell us how they feel or what they are going through. A keen observer will notice when someone seems to be sulking or becomes uncommunicative. This ability to sense a problem in its early stages is vital for frank empathetic talk.

Another powerful way to develop empathy is to use imagination. One can ask oneself, ‘If I were in his/her situation, how would I feel? How would I respond? What would I need?’

We often find it easier to judge mistakes than to understand feelings. By imagining someone’s distress, one can be more sensitive to what others feel, and can find it easier to forgive and overlook errors than to remain offended.

The quality of empathy also helps while giving gifts. We will not merely be governed by our viewpoint but will try to see things from the viewpoint of others. Else, one may end up by giving what is most convenient, or what one likes or that which is showy outwardly.

If empathy marks our giving, we will also consider the manner of giving. How do we give? Do we expect to be repaid with flattery? Sentiments are involved in little things. For example, the way the gift is packed, the personal touches we add, all these indicate empathy.

Good timing in giving is another mark of empathy. In times of stress, giving a little compliment or a helping hand may mean a lot. Giving cheerfully and in the right balance reflects sympathetic understanding.

When we empathize, we become aware of just how similar we are to that person. We realize what their struggles are, which helps us to respect them. The more we focus on how similar they are to us, the less likely we are to judge them negatively. We can ask ourselves, ‘how would I react if someone makes me feel worthless? How would I feel if others judge me before they even get to know me? How would I like others to treat me?’

Conversation is the lifeline of all good relationships. Difference of opinions are common. Empathy is the foundation upon which everything is built. By talking about the problem, one can resolve and preserve relationships. Many avoid doing that because they do not know how to talk without making the other person feel defensive and angry. Understanding and respect can grow even if we disagree, when we mentally put ourselves in the other person’s position.

Some are sensitive about their age, weight, health or some physical defect such as- birth marks. To call attention to any such tender spots or making a joke of them, would be like treading on their toes. It is the very antithesis of empathy, betraying an utter inability to put oneself in the shoes of others.

Showing empathy is not merely a technique. It is a reflection of our attitude and way of thinking. One may not naturally be very empathetic, yet we can cultivate it by taking genuine interest in others. It fosters candid communication, an extended meaningful kind of exchange that most of us want and need.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BY THE AUTHOR ARE PERSONAL

Rekha Kumar, The writer is a work-life balance and leadership skills facilitator

rekhakumar@protonmail.com