A BETTER ANSWER TO “WHO AM I?”

For many people with spiritual aspirations, a major issue is finding yourself—that’s the common phrase we use, for example, regarding the identity crisis that occurs after adolescence as well as a midlife crisis. Yet at unpredictable times a person can wonder, “Who am I?” This state of inner confusion is rarely resolved without aimless wandering and deepening confusion instead of greater clarity.

There needs to be a better way of answering “Who am I?” that doesn’t depend on a crisis of selfdoubt, because crises are the worst time to confront an issue as deep as your identity.

Could it be, strange as it sounds, that you are completely in the dark about who you are, wearing a disguise so good that it fools even you? In fact, each of us has several versions of ourselves. We are amazingly good at putting on a new self as required. There’s the social self, which we put on in public. There’s the private self, when we are alone sitting with our thoughts and feelings. There’s also our intimate self, which is reserved for our spouse or partner.

Already one can name three different selves, and they don’t mesh. The public self is the same as the ego image you project to the world. The private self can often be much more insecure, troubled, or depressed than this image. Someone can disguise at work that they are chronically depressed, for example. The intimate self has its ups and downs depending on how your relationship is going. Once you look into it, the self is more complicated than anyone might suppose. We can add even more versions of the self, such as your rational self and emotional self.

What if none of these is your true self? What if you have never met your true self, or have seen it only by glimpses? This is one of the deepest insights in Buddhism and the whole Indian spiritual tradition. Your true self isn’t known to you because you are so involved with the other shifting, transient, unpredictable selves I just described.

You wake up in the morning, and even though you might wear the same clothes all day, you will shift to the self you think you need several times. You are a shapeshifter without even knowing it.

What is this true self that seems to be hiding from us? It is your source, your origin, and essence. Imagine taking a short elevator ride through each version of yourself. At the top is the social or ego self, which is wrapped up in the everyday world. Descending a level, we arrive at the private self with all its worries, fears, hopes, dreams, and fantasies. Down one more level is the intimate self, which feels safe enough to express love.

As we descend the self is getting less tied to the external world, drawing closer to who we really are “in here.” The intimate self is not only about love but compassion, kindness, inspiration, and devotion. All of those qualities are expressed in a fulfilling relationship. You are devoted to the beloved and inspired by them. At this level of the self we also find religious devotion and artistic inspiration.

The lesson is that as you go deeper into your awareness, your sense of “Who am I?” changes. You are conditioned to identify with all the things you think and do. That’s the identity we were raised to accept as “me,” a creation of the mind as it engages with the world and other people. You spend huge amounts of time and effort coming up with a successful image that you and society can admire. “Who am I?” revolves around gender, race, religion, job title, family, status, money, and possessions.

As you go deeper, however, your self-image fades, along with the story you’ve built around it, and you become more authentic The constant churning of mental activity gives way to a simple state of awareness that is calm, quiet, and centered. What is actually happening is that you are getting closer to your true self, which is your source. In every culture the highest value is placed on love, compassion, truth, beauty, inspiration, insight, devotion, and creativity. The external world isn’t about those values, nor were they invented. They come directly from our source. In other words, they are packaged, so to speak, in the essence of human awareness once all the layers of disguise are shed.

Pause for a moment and put your attention on your heart. Now recall visually or emotionally what love feels like. Perhaps you see the face of someone you dearly love. Whisper silently to yourself, “This is the real me.” This meeting with your true self is what makes all the difference in your personal evolution. You are identifying with consciousness rather than with ego and personality. Awareness is simple, as opposed to the active mind, because being aware brings no conflicts or confusion. “I am” is an identity you can be certain of; it never changes and is always with you.

THE VIEWS EXPRESSED BY THE AUTHOR ARE PERSONAL

Deepak Chopra, The writer is MD, FACP, FRCP founder of the Chopra Foundation, a non-profit entity for research on well-being and humanitarianism, and Chopra Global