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MARITAL BLUES SHOWING AFFECTION

A guest at a wedding observed the bride and the b r i d e g r o o m warmly exchanging loving glances and tenderly holding on to each other! No one could deny that they were deeply in love! As the newlyweds gracefully moved together, the guest wondered how long would their marriage stand the test of time? As the years go by, will their love deepen or will it take wings and fly away?
What happens to “love” after one gets married? One husband said, “It was wonderful before we got married, but somehow after the wedding, it fell apart. All the love I thought I had for her and the love she seemed to have for me evaporated.”

 When it is unswerving and enduring, the love between a man and a woman can truly be beautiful. Since there are so many breakups, one can realistically ask, whether lasting love is possible! The true and abiding love between marriage partners includes affection and attachment. Thus, love is best sensed when it is expressed. So, one must not allow the activities of daily life to prevent one from showing affection. It conveys to the other person care and protection – any problem one faces is important to the other. It makes the marriage flourish. The pleasant memories of expressed affection enhance the unfailing quality of love. Some show less affection as the years go by. Just as food is essential in keeping the body healthy, affection strengthens the marriage. Even after decades of being married, husbands and wives need regular reassurance from each other that they are cared for and valued each day
 

Using words like, “you are beautiful!” or “precious” can make the partner feel cherished. Affection can also be shown in writing through text messages and e-mails. A loving glance, an occasional gift, supporting one another and doing different tasks together can nourish the relationship. At times, busy husbands and wives regularly plan ‘date nights’ or ‘date weekends’ to be together. They treat their partner as lovingly as they did when they were first dating. One can even plan to do something as simple as taking regular walks - just the two of them together.

Each person is unique in his or her need for affection. Rather than demanding affection, one can ask oneself, ‘what can I do to make my partner feel more affectionate towards me?” Sincere expressions that enhance the selfworth of one’s partner are reinforcing. When one makes his / her partner feel important, any misunderstanding, if there is, melts and helps them bare the depths of their heart. 

One husband candidly admits, “I became emotionally involved with my work. When I would come home, all I wanted was to talk about the exciting challenges of my job. Though I would give a casual hug to my wife, my mind would be on something else.” The result – his wife felt neglected and left out since her husband was insensitive to her emotions. After a while, the wife no longer cared when her husband poured out his problems and she would respond with indifference. She distanced herself emotionally. Despite his being an able provider and she, a capable mother, they had deprived each other of one basic need – affection. Lack of affection deeply hurts as it makes a husband and wife strangers to each other emotionally. One’s self-confidence gets shattered. Some partners suffer in silence as if all is well. But the body feels what the brain chooses to ignore. Constant pain, headaches, knotted stomach and depression result due to unresolved conflicts and lack of togetherness.

Another husband expressed his feelings, “I noticed when we were alone, my wife showed very little enthusiasm. But as soon as someone called or visited, she would become excited, ignoring me completely. She acted as if she preferred the company of others. I was crushed.” A person may hesitate to express his or her emotional needs because of fear of rejection or disillusionment. Trying to discern what is behind the partner’s remarks helps. Why is he/she telling me this? Is it due to lack of affection or mere thoughtlessness? Is extra time needed to soothe and ease matters? By creating some quality time each day and by sharing small everyday happenings, understanding improves in marriage. Little things mean a lot. They cement lasting relationships. Thoughtful words, glances or meaningful actions mean so much in keeping the partnership warm. Small expressions of trust and dependability can bring deep satisfaction and keep the flames of love burning.

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